We offer free and paid services to ensure we maintain our highest standard of support. Offers are available for Southern Co-op members and well-being groups are free to attend, no booking needed. Below you can find a breakdown of our chargeable and free services.
With all the reactions, different behaviours, anxious thoughts, depression, saying and doing things out of character it can often feel like you are ‘not coping’, ‘going crazy’ just not acting ‘normal’. Feelings are so intense that often grieving people can have these types of thoughts but remember you are not going through something that is normal for you, dealing with the death of someone you loved or any unexpected loss that changes your life brings unexpected challenges and changes. All of which can be scary and overwhelming. All of these emotions, feelings and thoughts are normal when grieving.
It’s impossible to put a timeline on grief as it’s such an individual experience. People around you may think that there is a timeline you should be working through, people may be saying ‘you should be doing this or doing that’ or ‘it’s time to move on’, if only it was that easy. You will adapt in your own time not when others think you should. Working through your feelings and facing the changes is something you need to do there is no easy route.
‘Get over’ is not really a good phrase it can seem an impossible task but most people do adapt and adjust and you will too. Grief doesn’t just go away we find ways to put layers around it so we can carry it safely, there may be times when those layers aren’t enough to stop you feeling sad grief triggers are normal. You wouldn’t want to forget the person that has died, slowly as those layers build the grief will not seem so intense. You may start to feel physical better; you won’t need to pretend you are fine when you’re not. Yes life will have changed but you will hopefully appreciate it again.
When we have a significant loss, it is an emotional experience to manage. For some that may mean lots of tears for others none. Some may cry less than others, some not at all. Part of the grieving process may include tears, but an absence of tears doesn’t necessarily mean something’s wrong. There is no right or wrong. Trying to prevent yourself from crying is not ideal, it’s important to just be yourself and not force anything. There are three types of tears:
Crying is believed to make more endorphins, which are the body’s natural pain killers and can help us feel better. Sometimes that is why we feel better after a cry; even if you are not grieving, crying can make us feel better.
Being brave enough to cry is a good thing, not something to be embarrassed about. It is healthy to cry, it can help to prevent anxiety and depression. Some people’s biological makeup means they don’t cry as expected and that’s ok we are all different and our body finds other ways to manage. Constant tears can worry people around you, they may believe it’s a bad sign, but tears are part of the body’s way of healing.
People often think they do. When we look at grief linked to any loss it can seem that men deal with things differently to women. Well we are biologically different and like in all things it makes the way we view things so when we are grieving it can be difficult to work out what’s ‘normal’.
It is not only gender that influences how we grieve, the type of loss, coping styles, personalities, how we were brought up all influence how we grieve. In the same way that there are stages of grief that people may experience there are also patterns of grief.
Some people will be open with their grief , wanting to talk people , being able to openly show their emotions and feelings, being able to understand that their world has changed, and they may not be able to function in the same way - perhaps they choose not to. Some people just hope they get back to normal at some point in the future. People following this pattern may seem like they are not coping and things are overwhelming but this is just how they are working through their grief.
Others may choose a ‘get on with things approach’ wanting to stay busy and keeping to routines. They may focus on blaming someone or something. Some people set up organisations linked to the loss as a way of keeping busy. People following this pattern may seem angry. For some it is moving on with their lives and if the loss is death this can come across as uncaring.
You may see a slight gender link in these patterns perhaps women being more open showing emotions and feelings and men being more ‘get on with things’ but there is no real stereotype to these patterns.
When families are grieving these different patterns of grieving can add extra complications. We often think one way is right and the other wrong. If people can identify the pattern of grief they are using, and recognise someone else may be grieving using a different pattern, this can help with the grieving process. brought up all influence how we grieve. In the same way that there are stages of grief that people may experience there are also patterns of grief.
Some people will be open with their grief, wanting to talk people, being able to openly show their emotions and feelings, being able to understand that their world has changed, and they may not be able to function in the same way - perhaps they choose not to. Some people just hope they get back to normal at some point in the future. People following this pattern may seem like they are not coping and things are overwhelming but this is just how they are working through their grief.
Others may choose a ‘get on with things approach’ wanting to stay busy and keeping to routines. They may focus on blaming someone or something. Some people set up organisations linked to the loss as a way of keeping busy. People following this pattern may seem angry. For some it is moving on with their lives and if the loss is death this can come across as uncaring.
You may see a slight gender link in these patterns perhaps women being more open showing emotions and feelings and men being more ‘get on with things’ but there is no real stereotype to these patterns.
When families are grieving these different patterns of grieving can add extra complications. We often think one way is right and the other wrong. If people can identify the pattern of grief they are using, and recognise someone else may be grieving using a different pattern, this can help with the grieving process.
Grief is difficult for the person grieving but also for friends and family, who often don’t know what to say either saying the wrong thing or avoiding saying anything at all. Make sure the person knows you are there for them, and be honest about not wanting to say the wrong thing – the person will likely appreciate knowing you are there for them.
Not always - speak to your Funeral Co-ordinator who is arranging the funeral and they can advise. There are other options available like Tell Us Once service or Life Ledger. Life Ledger provides a free, easy-to-use service to help the bereaved send death notifications to all of the businesses connected to the deceased. They help to simplify and streamline the process of dealing with everyone from the bank to a pension provider, the TV licence, gas, electricity, and house insurance, quickly and simply from a single point. To find out more please visit www.lifeledger.com
Young Children
Children Aged 5-8 Years Old
Children Aged 9-12 Years Old
Children Aged 13-16 Years Old
The searching stage of bereavement is a strong urge to look for the person who has died, pining because they cannot be found. Though the rational mind knows there is no point in searching, the desire to keep on looking is irrepressible.
This searching instinct can lead the bereaved to see the face of the loved one in crowds or supermarkets or on trains. Some people touch and feel clothes of the person who has died because the smell or the visual memory makes them seem closer. Quite often people will talk of ‘seeing’ the departed in the house, or ‘hearing’ them or even ‘smelling’ them. Such glimpses can be frightening, but they are a normal reaction to loss. Sometimes the searching is evident in repeated visits to the cemetery, in the hope of finding the person again.
We work in partnership with The Co-operative Funeralcare and would recommend their funeral services. Here is a video on their services: